We all heard wild theories flying around Covid, left and right. Some of them seem to make sense while others seem way too far-fetched. But while we all do feel some degree of appeal to at least some of these red pill theories, we can’t really know for sure to what degree we can genuinely call ourselves a conspiracy theorist. Here’s an easy and fun test for you to measure how deep in the rabbit hole you’ve already ventured and whether there’s any hope for you to ever return to a normal life no matter how many blue pills you’ll take.
1. Covid-19 came from a wet market in Wuhan carried by some exotic wild animal such as a pangolin or a Sichuan bat.
a. No. SARS-Cov-2 is a synthetically engineered virus whose structure cannot be found in Nature. That is why we have over 20 years worth of filed Gain of Function patents for the radicalization of coronaviruses that were carried forward initially in the US and later in the Wuhan lab that leaked the virus.
b. Yes, maybe, I don’t know… but anyways those guys in India, China, Brazil or Mexico or wherever Wuhan is, will eat anything so it’s no wonder we got this Covid thingy. Anyways, that’s what CNN said, and the guys that own CNN are so rich, they’d have no reason to make up things.
c. Yes, of course. That’s what the government told us and we all know the government loves us, so why would the government ever lie to us and why should you even ask stupid questions like that when the government already told you the answer? It’s really not fair to accuse the government of lying because it’s dangerous to our democracy, and if you actually ask questions about the government that make the government look bad what kind of democracy will we have. Don’t be a hater.
2. Masks, social distancing and lockdowns are necessary to fight the pandemic.
a. No. There is no statistical evidence that masks and lockdowns have brought any long term benefit on the pandemic either in terms of contagions or in terms of mortality. In fact, Texas and Florida in the US, Sweden in Europe and Japan in Asia, who never imposed nationwide or statewide lockdowns, masks or social distancing, have immensely outperformed their continental counterparts that did impose such restrictions, both in terms of spread and most importantly in terms of mortality. These measures though did have disastrous effects on other aspects of our society such as education, mental health, the depletion of generational middle class savings and the state of health and survival of small and medium enterprises.
b. Don’t know, don’t care. I can still order whatever I want from Amazon and I’m getting paid to work from home in my peejays… I don’t see the problem.
c. Yes, yes, yes… I want to be tied up. I like it. All those crazy people that want to carry on with their lives are all ugly haters that say “Let’s go Brandon” to a nice uncle with a fetish for children’s hair. They are judgmental haters that are not accepting of healthy and normal kid’s hair fetishes and make me feel ashamed of my spanking fetish. Biden was just born that way, there’s nothing wrong. And I should not be ashamed that I want to be spanked by my ‘daddy’ all the time – even if I am an overweight dude in my 50s with 3 kids of my own.
3. There is no conventional cure for Covid-19.
a. No. There are plenty of cures for Covid-19 and these therapies have successfully put an end to the pandemic everywhere around the world except for few handfuls of nations whose governments are closely tied to the world’s largest Wall Street listed multinational corporations. Ironically governments of Western advanced liberal democracies, also known as the Washington Consensus, where most (if not all) of these conventional protocols that have eliminated Covid in most of Asia, Russia, India, all of Africa, South America and the Middle East, were developed, have violently suppressed and persecuted these conventional protocols for the treatment of Covid. Unsurprisingly, unlike every other pandemic in the 100 years since the Spanish Flu, which have always occurred in underdeveloped regions of the world with limited health infrastructure and poor hygiene conditions, the Covid-19 pandemic has predominantly killed residents of the world’s most advanced democracies.
b. Yeah, I mean, that’s what I heard on CNN and every other news on TV. I know they all say the same thing, but it's not as if they’re all lying right? I mean it’s not as if Coca-Cola and Pepsi are the same thing just because they are both owned by the same people.
c. Vaccines, vaccines, vaccines! Give me a V A C C I N E S – we want vaccines. After all why go for simple, reliable, tried and tested, safe, cheap and readily available conventional medical treatments when we can spend hundreds of billions of tax payers' money in deranged, experimental, dystopian trans-humanist drugs.
4. Vaccines are safe and approved for everyone to use.
a. No. ‘Covid vaccines’ are experimental therapies in stage 3 clinical trials. Thy have been approved notwithstanding incomplete data only for emergency use and should NEVER have been administered to anyone not at explicit risk from Covid.
b. Yeah, sure. If they were approved by CDC and EMA, what’s the point of going to read the fine print. Approved means approved, right. So what’s the big deal about whether it was approved for general use or not.
c. Yes of course. Covid vaccines are ‘super yummy’, all the billionaires that tell us to take them wouldn’t be lying to us because only the kindest people become billionaire and when they chose which of their servants gets to win the election for the US presidency, they always chose the best possible person to take care of us.
5. Variants are caused by the unvaccinated who basically are walking Petri dishes.
a. No. As the most published, respected and authoritative leading experts in the matter repeatedly warned us, launching a mass vaccination campaign during a pandemic proved to be an act of complete and utter madness, which as expected prolonged, radicalized and worsened the pandemic everywhere the vaccine campaigns took place. As predicted the vaccines inhibited the natural evolutionary pressure on viruses to become less lethal to their host. The vaccine campaigns are responsible both for the new more resistant variants as well as the increased vulnerability of populations that are at higher risk of disease and death from Covid because of compromised immunity systems. The correlation between vaccine campaigns and increased disease and mortality is now incontestable due to the spike in Covid hospitalizations and mortality right after vaccination campaigns everywhere in the world.
b. Yeah, I know. I heard it on CNN. The unvaxed are walking Petri dishes. I mean both Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo said it, and they are members of the LGBTQ+ community, so it must be true.
c. Yes, yes, yes! The unvaxed are irresponsible, they are evil, they probably support Trump. They should all be locked up in internment camps or burned at the stake.
6. Vaccines do not cause severe adverse effects.
a. No. According to VAERS the Vaccine Adverse Effect Reporting System of the CDC, in just 6 months from their release, these experimental vaccines killed more Americans than all other vaccines put together in the 30 years of VAERS' existence. As of today, they have killed more than twice as many as all other vaccines put together. Assuming that only 1% to 10% of all vaccine related deaths are reported to VAERS, it is safe to estimate that the number of deaths caused by these experimental vaccines worldwide is way above the dramatic threshold of half million dead amongst healthy individuals.
b. Yeah… Boh!. Don’t know. What’s VAERS?
c. Yes of course. Covid vaccines are so yummy they remind me of when I was a baby. I tried very hard to be amongst the very first people to get the first and second dose, I got my 3rd booster and my 4th booster, and I already pre-booked the 5th booster. Every time I get the jab I feel so good. I close my eyes and I feel like I am a flying pony. The jab is like a mother’s kiss tucking in a baby under the sheets after a bedtime story.
7. The fact that a second dose, a third booster, a fourth booster, and according to Sajit Savid, England's Health Secretary, a new booster every three months will be needed, though not foreseen is perfectly normal.
a. No. These therapies borrowed from industrial animal farming are called in industry jargon ‘leaky vaccines’. They focus on a single pathology allowing for ‘breakthrough’ of new pathology and requiring constant development of new pharmaceutical products. These vaccines were administered with premeditated intention of creating chronic dependencies on recurring medical treatments and endless development, otherwise how would you explain the ever-growing interest and investments in the development and production of leaky vaccines if everything could’ve been resolved in just a few months.
b. I mean, whatever. If you need to take a Tylenol you don’t ask your doctor whats inside the Tylenol. What’s the big deal in taking an experimental jab every 3 months? It’s not as if you’re paying for it?
c. Yes, yes, yes… give me more jabs, with big big big needles, the biggest needle. I want jabs everywhere - even in my private parts!
8. There is no relation between the sudden deaths of healthy people especially amongst younger populations and elite athletes in their career prime, and the vaccine jab they just took. The sudden inexplicable surge in myocarditis diseases and deaths are the consequence of a psychological disorder known as Post-Pandemic-Stress-Disorder (PPSD).
a. Fuck off… just fuck off!
b. Yeah… well, no. I mean. Whatever people die all the time, so what. I don’t know anyone personally that died right after the jab. And honestly I don’t care as long as I can have my choco-mocha-capuccino at Starbucks
c. Yes, of course. More, more, more… give me more, harder. I can take it. I can take it all! I love it!!!
Solution
Give yourself 10 points for all answers (a), 5 points for all answers (b) and 1 point for all (c) answers.
1. 80 to 60 points - You are a Conspiracy Theorist. Don’t worry, it’s not contagious – unfortunately. You may feel like a bit of an outcast, but at least it can be comforting to know that just a few years ago you’d be considered a ‘normal bloke’ by most people. Try to keep it together, because sooner or later people will wake up from their delirious masochist submission, and things will make sense again, one day... in God’s good time.
2. 59 to 30 points - You are a Pumpkin. You’re almost there. I mean you know there is something incredibly dodgy going on, but what the Hell, it's not as if you can carry all the world’s problems on your shoulder. You only have one life to live and don’t want to spend it over analyzing things that don’t really concern you, as long as you get your certificate to travel, go to the movies and go out with your friends at night. Sure, you know there’s a real hard possibility that after years of quarterly injections of undisclosed experimental shit, your kids might end up being lumps of flesh golems with no resemblance to what you brought on this earth, but so what, it’s not as if that’s your problem, as long as you're doing the same thing everybody else is doing, you should not blame yourself for what happens in the future.
3. 29 to 8 points - You are a Gimp. The gimp from Pulp Fiction is not only your favorite character in cinematographic history, but also your highest aspiration and role model. You dream of being bound, gagged and abused, just like the Gimp, 24/7 365. You feel naked whenever you are not wearing a leash and need someone to always tell you what to do, preferably at the stroke of a whip or with a boot on your face. Masks make you feel comfortable and you wish everyone would always wear them because you’re always afraid people would read right through you if they could see you face, and you don’t want them to know you are constantly fantasizing of being raped either by tentacled alien monsters or butt-naked Spartan warriors, sometimes both. Power, or better the submission to power, is the highest form of seduction that exercises an uncontrollable appeal on you. You would do anything for Creepy China Joe, Jeff Bezos or Jabba the Hutt.
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